jeremiah?

Big Day Out tomorrow - finally! I feel like I should be getting an early night. Well that won't be happening. I only have $4.09 in my bank too. Hope mam lends me some money. Got bought a car today. I'm taking names..

when did it all go wrong?

There was a man who didn't know who he was. His daughter didn't know who she was. They were both pretty fucked up, but both of them thought they'd be fine. She had no direction, and no motivation, and quite frankly, didn't even see the point of her existence. But nevertheless, she kept going, and kept trying to see the positives in everything. Her best friend turned out to be someone who didn't even think about other people, only herself, so the girl couldn't rely on her anymore either. So she kept making mistakes. Except they weren't really mistakes, she meant to make them. She didn't understand herself. Everything she did made her heart stretch a little bit more in each direction.
Her father, well she didn't even know who he was. It turned out that when he'd left her mum, he'd fallen into suicidal depression. She vaguely knew what depression meant at 9, now at 18 she's experiencing it. Most days. Others, she thinks she feels fine. That word again, fine. She watches people, trying to see the point in everything. They seem normal. Maybe behind their smiles they're feeling as pointless as she is. Is everyone's life as fake as hers?, she thinks. She doesn't want to die though, but her heart hurts a little too much to feel like she's living, properly. She drinks and tries to make the pain that doesn't feel like pain anymore, go away. It doesn't work. She'll probably be fine though. Maybe her dad will be fine too. Fine.

oh i wonder

I had an AMAZING night last night. House party - you know the deal. Met pretty pretty new people, and stayed up till the early hours of the morning. 6.30 to be exact. The only problem is that hangover + little sleep = depression/melancholy. Listening to Speaking A Dead Language by Joy Williams. It's suiting this mood.
"Oh I wonder, when did it all stop making sense? I don't understand.. I remember, we were so sure, so innocent. Oh, but that was then.."
Think I'll go for a run. It's still summer, and still light, even this late.
Love + ache. XXXXX

magick

I definately have lost the inspiration to blog about anything anyway. I'm sure as soon as I go to uni (which I am this year, I accepted my first offer today!), I'll have thousands of things to say - mostly about the people I meet there. By meet, I mainly mean see. Due to the sad, sad loss of my people skills, I highly doubt any friendships will be made in the first while. I'll just watch people.

That sounded a bit creepy...

you can say what you mean, but it won't change a thing

Cute, non?

My cat walks around like a proud peacock, tufting his tail up, and following prospective mates (by mates I mean friends - my cat is so outgoing it's kind of ridiculous), willing to make friends with the strangest things/people. For example, he has developed this strange sort of companionship with the tiny jack russell that lives next door.

Whereas I seem to be misplacing my social skills, every day I lose them more and more. It's refreshing. That was such a lie. I think I've lost my mojo....

i'm sorry, sorry

Went to the gym today for the first time in a LONG time. This year is going to be my getting fit year! Unfortunately, my shitty back has fucked up again, this time with a pinched nerve. Which means I can't really move. So I'm holed up in bed. Watching 'being human'. Weird choice with a pinched nerve.
On a happier note, Skins is coming back Jan 28th. Bloody can't wait! I'm in love with Effy.

T for 2

Yuck, cold tea. My door's open and a cool breeze is blowing into my room. A nice change from the disgusting heat that we've had to deal with for the past few weeks or so. Definately a cold weather person. Yesterday morning I opened my door at about 7.30 and went back to bed, with the cool breeze and rain drops blowing in through the door. Beautiful.
Accupuncture appointment today, and then B and I are going to town to have one of our torrens days, which we haven't done since about 2 years ago. Paddle boats and tea.. there's nothing like it!

2:07am awake and shit

It's strange, when I was at school, and chose to procrastinate by writing in this, my blog, I seemed to have so much stuff to write about. Or at least I thought I had things to write about - in honesty it was probably all complaints about my mundane existence, and my shit school attempts, and everything in between (which, I'm guessing was not much).

Now, when I (kind of) have a life, see friends everyday in a SOCIAL setting, and not because we were made to sit down and put up with each other in a classroom, I find I have so much less to write about, even though I have so much more. Besides, I'm usually off doing something else at 2 in the morning, which was when I was writing about stuff in my schooling months. Obviously am not doing anything now (apart from this, and being slightly mental), but I definately will be during the next few nights. Which, incidentally are Friday and Saturday.

Yet, even with almost 2 months without school, I'm still the world's best procrastinator! It has taken me exactly 20 minutes to write that... ^ ^ and as I seriously can't be bothered to continue that little rant about the inner-workings of my brain (but it's really not), and due to the amount of brain cells I've lost to very excessive substance abuse recently (take note kids, don't do drugs) (or in my case, drink excessive amounts of booze), I desperately need a sleep. Bon nuit - until the next time I can be bothered to write (or the next time I'm home at 2am on a friday morning.. which is not often. LOVE! X