atchoo

I am so hungry! And it's almost midnight, I mean really, what's up with that?? I've also been doing absolutely nothing all evening, due to my extra crap chest infection/bronchitis, which I'm on antibiotics for, great. However, I did get in a lot of research about hair for formal.. well not research as such, just lots of pictures of how I want my hair to loooook for my formal, which is in.. 10 days! And we still don't have an afterparty planned! Oh god! Nevertheless, I think it'll be a sexy night in general, because of me mainly, and how I'm planning to look like Megan Fox, minus about 3 feet and just about 10 times less hot hahahh
Anyway, the bathroom is shit, is taking forevvvver to finish, and I'm so sick of having two fucking random guys in my house!
I just read that sentence again and it sounded like I'd had two random guys in my house who I was fucking. I'm not, although I'm pretty sure the younger one is in love with me hahaha.. im really just joking though.
Hmm, I think I might go ferret around in the kitchen for cheese or something. Speaking of cheese, I spent like $15 on cheese at the market the other day. Hello big spender. But really, on cheese? How did I even manage that? And what's even more disgusting, I ate all of it the same day. Yuck. However, while at the market, having coffee at Lucia's, I fell in love with one of the (do you call them waiters at a coffee shop?) coffee-makers/waiter/sex gods who work there. He is absolutely divine, and knowing my luck with romance, also probably gay. And since buying $15 worth of cheese there (ew), I've gone back about 6 times to try and get him to fall in love with me too (I am NOT actually a stalker, I just don't take no for an answer), but to no avail - he doesn't work then I guess). I'm going back this weekend for some more coffee (and probably some more cheese too, no point in not being honest).

i'll admit

I just went to see the newest Harry Potter movie, and dare I say it, malfoy is quite the hearthrob now hahah

definately worth watching, just to see him get in touch with his emotional side haaha, but really. I'm in love

am i dreaming? probably

Wow, ok I think I may possibly have to break up with my fiancee for this amazingly gorgeous perfect boy..
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sweet

I hate working on things in the holidays. Not that there's probably anything else to do, seeing as it's about -35 degrees outside, and pelting down with rain most of the time. I went to the doctor this morning, and apparently I have chest infection or something. Yeah, that explains why I've been feeling like SHIT for a week.
Meanwhile, I found out that the doctor I saw, retired about 35 years ago and spent his retirement (before being a doctor again?!?! why would you do that..?), on the French canals of France, with his wife, on their barge, boating around.
I would so love to be doing that right now. It's summer in the Northern Hemisphere, and I would so much rather be there than here right now, due to everything being shit, horrible, and absolutely disgusting.
I look like crap, my lungs have actually collapsed (probably, they feel like it), and we have no bathroom, therefore I haven't had a proper shower for like 4 days. I've just been washing myself on the front verandah with a cup and a bucket, and its really fucking cold out there, not to mention the concrete floor I have to stand on, naked, for like a full 10 minutes, in the bloody rain.
And I have to hand in my special study about childcare (who in their right mind would write 2000 words, willingly, on children?? I dont understand the world), in, oh, about an hour. My life is disgraceful. My room is a pit, and I think I'm going to become a hermit, and only come out of my house once every 10 years, to experience civilisation. Fuck that, every 20 years. Welcome to my new life.

skin is skin

Yesterday, I went to see Coco Avant Chanel. It was amazing, and I fell in love with Alessandro Nivola, who is, thanks for asking, my future husband. Just before it, I dropped in to a shop which was open on a Saturday night at 9?!? I like odd opening hours, they make spending money so much easier. And anyway, I dropped in there, and bought two berets, which I obviously really needed. One dark grey and one black, and they're absolutely lovely. Bit of a bargain too.
So anyway, my outfit last night consisted of black biker boots, a black jacket, black skirt, and black opaque stockings. And apparently black is the 'lazy' colour (mum told me that), which totally makes sense, because I really honestly can't be bothered most of the time. And she also said that most people wear black because it's slimming, which is actually, at risk of sounding really stuck up, to be honest, the real reason I wear it. Hahahahha.

In Coco Avant Chanel, she, played by Audrey Tautou (who I would also be marrying, if I wasn't in love with my actual fiancee, Alessandro, and also if she was a boy), says 'black is the only colour that shows off your eyes'. And so, to anyone out there who thinks black is funerally, and crap, I say 'what do you know' and 'its slimming' (haha), and 'its really a heaps good colour'.
Yeah ok, I'm biased, because I think I look pretty damn sweet in black, but whatever.

je ne sais pas

I’M SO EFFING BORED! I really dislike this feeling, that there is literally nothing to do. Actually I’m not bored; I just hate doing homework in the holidays. And I really hate there being other things that I would so much rather be doing, like watching television, or eating or something! And I hate being sick, it’s so crap. I wish I wasn’t sick, and that all my homework was done, and that I had 90 million dollars. And I also want to be in Sydney.. But it’s a bit useless hoping really. Nothing’s (obviously), going to change.
Listening to Heart Full of Wine by Angus and Julia Stone, oh it’s beautiful. I’m going to teach myself to play it on the guitar! I’m so excited, this is my project for the holidays.
Today, I didn’t end up buying magazines or Russell Brand’s autobiography, or clothes. I paid my phone bill. But I did buy some nailpolish. And I have extra money, which I should probably use to pay the rest of my phone bill. But I really can’t be bothered, and it has to last me for the rest of the holidays basically! Which it’s obviously not going to do, if I use it on paying stupid bills. I’ll probably end up buying food and alcohol, and crap clothes though.. hahaha.

lalalalla

I don’t actually think I will grow out my fringe. Except I might. Because I think I look good without a fringe. But it’s just so quirky, which I liiike.. And no one else I know has one. Shit. Such a dilemma. At the same time, I have a really nice Indian scarf. But, I’ve a feeling I’m going to get my heart broken soon. Damn.
Ps: Listening to Memories by Waldeck.

So chic..

Listening to Breakeven by the Script. I think I’m going to grow out my fringe. And I think I’ve developed a dependence on painkillers.. And butter menthols..

so frenchy..

I am
- Painting my nails gunmental grey. Hahaha gunmental. I meant gunmetal.
- Listening to So Frenchy So Chic
- Coughing my lungs up, and wishing that I didn’t have such a bad cold
- Wishing I had 90 million dollars
- Wearing a short silk skirt, which is amazing, but it makes my legs really cold
- Sort of doing my special study (but not really)

List:
- I need some kind of physical contact before I go completely insane from the lack of it
- ‘Chaos, order, what will it be?’

I’m really bored, so I’m ‘liking’ literally everyone’s status on facebook. Even the people I don’t even know. I have such an awesome life! Hahahah. But I’ve recently discovered (as usual), that if one day I hate everything, it mostly happens that the next day I’m absolutely ecstatic about everything. I really don’t know why, but it just happens like that!

the sky looks like it could weep

Today I sat in a Catholic Church for about 10 minutes, just to escape from the bustle of life, but also to rest my poor blistery feet for a second. It was really peaceful, but melancholy, and had a sense of dejection as soon as I stepped in the door. I’m literally in the most depressed mood right now, I feel like everyone I know only spends time with me, or is friends with me because they can get something out of me – my friends use me as a listening ear, or advice, someone to bitch to, my family plainly just someone to abuse (except maybe my mum), and any boys that I know, well that just explains itself – and it feels really fucking shit. I had a little bit of a cry in the kitchen before, when I made myself a cup of tea, and it burnt my tongue and tasted terrible, so I started tearing up, and smashed the cup into the sink.
It’s strange, because when I woke up this morning, I felt sick, and tired, but not sad or anything, and I washed my hair, pinned up my fringe, curled the ends and felt like I was channelling Effy Stonem, because I put on lots of black eye makeup and wore my biker boots out. But then I got some shitty messages, and later, got told shitty things about myself, and certain situations, and my mood went down the plughole. Not to mention I have no money whatsoever, and I can’t even talk because I’ve got the flu. Really, everything sets me off these days. And my ears hurt, and I can’t stop coughing, and I want to go home, except I have to stay at dad’s this week because we’re getting the bathroom renovated at home, which is ok, but I found out this morning it’s going to take a lot longer, so I’ll probably have to stay at dad’s for some of next week too, and I really don’t want to because his house smells like smoke, I’ve given up smoking, and I have a terrible cough so that’s not helping, and also I had a giant fight with him last night, and I never have before, and neither of us have apologised and it’s really weird and horrible but I figured out why I said some things to him, namely “you’re a fucking bastard”, and I’m fairly sure it’s because I’ve never expressed my pain to him before, and even though mum and him split up like 9 years ago, I’ve never talked to him about it, because it’s just something that we don’t do.
And, as usual, my life is so dull, and I wish I had a car, and somewhere to drive to. I would steal dad’s car, but the bloody battery’s flat, and it’s not registered or insured, and I don’t want to be shot. Or just somewhere to go, and drink and forget about everything. Or someone to do that with. I honestly feel right now like I have nothing to live for. Except my formal shoes maybe, or my biker boots, or my hilarious conversations about sex with Maman, which, by the way, made my day yesterday. But apart from that, everything is so monotonous, and uninteresting, and I feel like topping myself.
It probably doesn’t help that I’m listening to Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding (which by the way, is the song that I listened to for days on end after a recent romance, and therefore always reminds me of said boy, and makes me sad and nostalgic every time I listen to it, even though it’s a brilliant song, and for that reason, I won’t stop listening to it just because of the way it makes me feel), and wearing all black..

or that the sky outside looks like it could weep. Bit of nice shit poetry there. Or that I have no one to talk to about my feelings, because I don’t want to offload my shit on anyone, and maybe I think it’s not all that important? And it’s getting dark, and I want to do something that makes my life worthwhile. Oh, and a bit of trivia, I always manage to fuck things up with everyone. And I always manage to fuck things up for everyone. I really think I have some kind of psychological problem, where I need to ruin things as much as I can, for me, and all the people close to me, and even for people who aren’t close to me.
But at least tomorrow I can develop my spending addiction, due to pay day, and probably buy some clothes and nailpolish and a few magazines maybe, and Russell Brand’s autobiography. I don’t even want it, but I’ll probably end up buying it anyway. And a new scarf, even though I’ve got three new scarves in the past week, one of which Mum gave me (actually she got me all three of them...), and I can’t find it anywhere which is really horrible because I love it so much! Actually, come to think of it, it’s probably in my room at home somewhere, under a pile of clothes or something ridiculous like that.
Enough of my whingeing, but in all probability, I’ll probably whinge some more later. So to correct myself: enough of my whingeing for now.