well fair enough if you want to be a complete and utter twat about it...

I want an elephant in my room

I'm a really indecisive person. I'm quite jealous. I also cry too much. Probably way too much. Some might say I'm pathetic. But I'm not, I cry for no reason a lot of the time. Probably most of the time about nothing. And dare I say it, I'm sitting naked on my bed apart from a towel, and it's quite chilly, and past midnight and I'd really rather like it to be the summer holidays already.

On the weekend, I almost kissed a gay boy. Yes, you heard right. Well ok, that's a bit of a lie.. I don't think he's actually gay, but he looked so much like it, I swear he's only pretending to be straight, which should probably be offensive to me, as he told one of my friends that he thought I was gorgeous. Wow, cheers, gorgeous in a 'you-look-like-a-bloke' way, and therefore I'm really keen, orr..? How awkward.

Still in a towel, and it's actually really fucking cold. Successful day though.. I got accused of abusing panadol, which apparently has links to 'mental illness'. Thanks mum, I'm so glad you love me so much that when I show signs of being a drug addict, you ask me if I want help dealing with my issues, it means a lot. But really, if I wanted to be a drug addict, I'd clearly be addicted to something much cooler than fucking paracetemol. Hello, heroin?!

I also decided that I have no idea what I want, or whether I want it or not, and as I was saying on le phone before, "at least if I want it then I know what I want, even if I can't have it, but if I don't know if I want it or not, then it's confusing and shit, and sometimes I want it and other times I don't, but I still do...", and that was basically the conversation.

More awkward moments, I had a dream the other day that I tried to fuck someone's brother. How embarrassing. And it didn't even happen in real life. I'm still really ashamed. Then, I helped someone parachute by letting them stand on my head. I have a really odd subconcious mind. Weird. I actually have the strangest dreams though. I'm also still naked. And I discovered the other day that I may possibly be in love with my vagina. Eew, probably a little too much information. However, I also love geraniums. But I don't love standing in the kitchen by myself, waiting for the kettle to boil, and then freaking out because I thought there was someone out the window. Yes, I am just a little bit paranoid..

Ahh I wish it would rain. And I love Craig David, seriously I may possibly have to marry him. That's if my engagement to Russell Brand falls through.

Bonsoir! x